This isn’t my year in review, that’s a whole other post, but this about what I thought I would have accomplish this year.
As I wrote in previous posts, my brother died in November last year and while 2015 was approaching I made new decisions on what I wanted my year to be like. One thing I can say about my brother is that he rarely passed up an opportunity to do something. He kept his commitments to people, carried the weight of things he shouldn’t and was compassionate to others. Him and I had lead two very different lives, but reflecting on those aspects of his life made me want to tweak mine.
I decided that I’d be ‘braver’ by making as many commitments as possible, thinking less of the things I needed to do for myself, and making sure I created a balance. Getting a new job at the beginning of the year (done on a whim!) made this much easier.
My interpretation of being ‘brave’ was dumb. I mean, really. Looking back on it, I did these things because I had more time with having my new job and it was a little bit easier to do them. There wasn’t anything brave about it. I completely missed the point of being brave because of everything I was experiencing, emotionally.
Did I go out of my comfort zone? Yes.
Did I socialize even when I didn’t want to? Most definitely.
Did I do anything that scares me? Yes.
Did I alter my sleeping schedule to do things? Yes, I did. Previously, I wouldn’t have budged my sleeping schedule in any way.
Did any of these things make me braver? Not really, but it allowed me to extend myself in ways I didn’t before and I truly believe it set me up to do real brave things in 2016. 2015 was a prep year for me to get myself together, extend myself, and see beyond the limitations that I previously had due to my job/commute.
Because I’m a word nerd (hello! foreign language degree holder!) let’s break down the word:
adjective: being ready to face and endure danger or pain; showing courage.
noun: ready to face and endure danger or pain.
verb: to endure or face (unpleasant conditions or behavior) without showing fear
It’s been a year since deciding I needed to be brave. A year ago I had a different interpretation to what I read regarding bravery. I allowed fear to get to me in 2015. Deep down while I was stepping out, I had loads of fear going on on the inside.
Fear of not being good enough in certain areas of life, for myself and my future. Fear of not living up to expectations of certain people. Fear of failing at a lot of new things that came my way.
I wasn’t brave with all that fear floating around.
Not at all.
2016 means that I’ll truly be brave. I have to be. It’s the only way I’ll move forward and get through certain fears that I became aware of. In addition, I’m faith based and the God that I believe it doesn’t believe in fear. When I accepted the Lord into my life, I also agreed to believing that He’ll conquer my fears. However, I haven’t given up my fears. I’ve been holding on to them and it’s hindered me from moving forward in my faith.
So, in 2016 I’ll be moving forward bravely. When I feel like I’m fearful and showing fear, I need to give up and let go of those fears. I must. Do I want to endure pain or danger? No, but there will be emotional pain and danger. After this year and what I’ve gone through emotionally, I firmly believe I’ll be ready for it. I can imagine there will be challenges, but such is life!
What did you learn about yourself in 2015? what are you doing to move forward? How can I pray for you about these things?