As I sit to type this, perhaps I intended to wait until a week into the new year to publish this? I just got done writing in my new journal and realized the last time I wrote in there was on New Year’s Eve setting up the [preferred] tone of the journal for 2017.
So, allow me to share a little bit of that! It’ll set up the tone for this blog, too.
2016 was the year where I have reached the lowest point in my adult life. I really thought that I got out of a season of depression, but it was a brief moment. My depression got worse. I had a mental breakdown in late September. So much had happened and I felt so weak and so overwhelmed. I broke down. It was really hard to recover from it, it was really hard to put myself back together, and I honestly couldn’t even begin to see light at the end of this tunnel I was in. I really couldn’t. I kept a lot in. I didn’t know how to talk about myself and it only came out when those closest to me stopped to ask me about myself and what the heck is going on. Some things I noticed had changed and some things I didn’t notice… it was hard to acknowledge out loud just how deep the depression is/was. It was hard to acknowledge out loud that I didn’t want to see Christmas, let alone 2017. There are other things I want to share, but I can’t yet. I know these are things I need to share because I know there are other people who reach these points in their life.
I’ve been adjusting to life without medication the last 3ish weeks. I’ve been trying to eat three meals a day and get out of bed. I’ve been trying to put myself into a routine instead of allowing myself to feel ruled by medication. I sought help, but medication wasn’t the right kind. I hated how I felt. I hated how my body reacted. I hated how mentally it took me even further down a path that I never ever thought I’d get on. I have a whole new perspective of depression, how other people feel, and how you feel X but know Y and the whole contradiction of feelings vs. knowledge and thoughts… does that last bit make sense?
I’ve been working on preparing myself for 2017 for quite a while. I wanted to start out the new year with a better spiritual, mental, emotional state. I needed to start out the new year in a different place than where I’ve been. And it’s never too late to start putting yourself in a new place. While I had the new calendar year approaching, it helped to get some ideas and goals into place, but you can always start whenever you choose to. You can start this afternoon, you can start tomorrow morning on the 8th day of the new year, or you can start as of 4:21pm today. Whenever you choose you can start, but you need to make the effort to really stick with it.
I’ve still thought about my blog throughout these months. It was never forgotten about, but my state wasn’t something I could share and I couldn’t pretend. Putting up a false appearance on the internet isn’t my thing and it’s something I can’t even do in real life.
I rang in the new year with one of my best friends and enjoyed the company of very loving people and chatted with new year people. It was really nice and I really enjoyed myself. However, I couldn’t drive home with these lashes and they had to come off the moment I got in the car:
I slept in, lounged, and took action on some skincare:
That face mask is the most attractive photo EVER.
This first week of the new year has been lazy, yet productive at the same time. I needed to take more time for myself to get ready for things to come.
2017 will be my best year yet. I believe it! It’ll be challenging and uncomfortable at times, but that’s how the best things come and are produced.
Expect new things for yourself this year. Keep that mindset and you’ll accomplish those things and more than you thought/imagined.
Happy New Year, everyone!