I know I’m not the only one who can say they put in long work days. Unfortunately, my commute contributes to a good portion of said work day. Despite the fact that I have a commute home come 5pm every Friday, it’s pretty exciting knowing I can stay up a bit later and have a decent lie in the next morning. However, if I have a busy Saturday planned, I tend to feel a little whiney deep down inside come Sunday morning (can you feel whiney?) because I have to make the efforts to leave the house and go to church. I will admit that.
I tend to get consumed with trying to best control MY time. I get reminded from time to time that I don’t dedicate enough of MY time to God. I lay off on reading, I don’t take the time to really pray or I do the quick prayer, and I get too consumed in making sure things are done in preparation for the next day. Instead, I could opt to not close my eyes on the train and open up YouVersion to take more time to read. I could take the time in the mornings or the evenings to set aside and spend the time I need to with God. After all, He did give me this life. I may have made choices, but I relied on Him to help me choose the right choice. For me to not take the time to express my thanks, joys, or sorrows is just not right.
On Thursday it took me two hours to get home from the train station, as opposed to the typical 40ish minutes. I had no idea where I could go, as I’m still learning about the roads where I live. I ended up going in to Maryland (something that’s really easy to do living in Delaware), wasting nearly 25 minutes driving and had to go further north to go south. I wasn’t happy and kept thinking about the time I was losing to get some things done at home.
I later learned that this accident that took me into Maryland, and what felt like all over creation, was because on impact the two cars that collided caught fire and 1 of the 5 people involved died. I felt awful when I had learnt about the details of the accident. I complained about how I was losing time, but parents had lost a [teenage] child in that accident. Those parents never expected to wake up on Thursday and lose their child.
It was a wake up that I needed, because I’m given each day and really, I could not be given that next day. The reality is that there are some people, healthy people at that, who don’t get to wake up the next day.
I’ve sat on so many trains and never crashed.
I’ve had too many bus and subway rides to count and I’ve never been mugged.
I wake up every morning and have control of my limbs.
I have continued to keep a right mind every day.
I keep going because He gives me life each second of my life, yet I complain and get frustrated when I lose MY time.
“Trust in him at all times, O people, pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.” – Psalm 62:8
I haven’t taken the time to pour out my heart to God. Admittedly, I haven’t taken the time to do many things for God other than go to church… and even then sometimes I feel like it’s a bit much because I want to accomplish other things.
I’m ashamed to have acted and felt this way, because I’ve been given this time to use and not control. I’ve been given this life and there’s entirely too many things to do that are better than spending precious moments complaining.
I need to continue to strengthen my relationship and pour out my heart throughout the day, not just at convenient times.
Have you spent days not fully acknowledging God? What reminder brought you to realize this?
2 thoughts on “Sunday Confession”
I actually am quite familiar with that Sunday whiny feeling of waking up early. So much so that I actually go to church now on Saturday evenings. It turned what felt slightly negative into something so positive and good for the soul; The way it should be!
Sometimes it’s like you’ve been cheated for getting only one morning to sleep in! Ah well, adult life never guaranteed sleeping in..