I read an article, a blog post from one of my bests, and was writing in my own journal about things heavy on my heart that created a halt to my posting. Lisa Marie and I met on LiveJournal back when blogging wasn’t anything like what it is now. She kept moving on strong with her blogging, where as I dabbled in and out of the habit. Anyways, she wrote about how 2016 will be her year of mindfulness. Of all the things I wrote for myself for 2016, I needed to add ‘Be mindful of’ in front of everything. My lack of mindfulness in certain areas in 2015 created some emotional experiences for myself that could have been better.
Which is where this article fits in: HuffPost put up an article about the hidden, chronic pain of grieving. I never would have thought to put the word ‘chronic’ with the grieving of my brother, but I identified so much with the article. I kept myself busy in 2015 and when it came to these intense moments of emotional I’d get slammed with, I wasn’t being mindful of recent events in my life and responsibly and healthily approaching them. I didn’t realize that in addition to grieving my brother, I would need to learn what it is to be an only child. My brother was 26 when he passed, and I wouldn’t wish this upon anyone. No matter what age this takes place it’ll never be easy. To remember all the things that you grew up doing, having them there to laugh and argue with.. then to having them not be there… it’s painful, regardless of the relationship. Then to continue growing up and thinking about how you could have this sibling here with you to share X, Y, Z (family moment, conversation, laugh). It’s been quite the experience for me. I understand I’m not the only one, but it’s a unique pain that has helped me understand the emotions of the human heart a little bit more.
I read this article and Lisa Marie’s post the same day and it hit me like a ton of bricks. In several days time I skyped with another best friend of mine and I reached a moment of complete silence, tears, and sniffling.
I knew there was a reason these things weighed on my heart and kept going through my mind. I needed to share this, this blog is reflective of my life… make-up and what nots!
2016 is going to be a year where mindfulness is put into everything I do.
Simple as that.
The struggles of 2015 are no more, because 2016 is new and fresh with new growth in it’s path. I’m excited for what is to come and what I’ll learn from this mindset. I’m looking forward to the changes that are to take place. I’m thankful for having friends who know how to be transparent and encourage others. Without Lisa Marie’s blog post, I wouldn’t have had the pause I did to do a personal evaluation on things.
Thank you, Lisa Marie.