to surrender:

(v) cease resistance to an enemy or opponent and submit to their authority

1. the action of surrendering

surrendering (g): give up or hand over (a person, right, or possession); abandon oneself entirely to (a powerful emotion or influence); give in to.

The last few weeks have been rough for me. A lot has been happening around me, which has caused a lot to happen internally. I’m processing and praying about these events, conversations, and moments witnessed. Amidst all of that, the word surrender has really been on my heart.

I’m a planner.

I’m a doer.

I’m a fast thinker (for the most part!).

I plan, I think, I do, I execute.

I’ve been realizing how this can get in the way of me surrendering things that shouldn’t be thought about, that shouldn’t have a plan I am designing to execute.   Things have been coming to the surface that I need to give over to God. Worries, concerns, thoughts, ideas, feelings, fears, insecurities that I need to lay at His feet and surrender them to Him. This stuff coming to the surface has made me tired. I’m thankful that they are coming out and I’m recognizing what needs to be handed over, but I’m also seeing that this translates to a lack of trust with God. As I’ve held onto all these things, not realizing, I’ve taken on a subconscious stress that has hindered my well being. All this time I could have just laid them at His feet and surrendered myself to His will. Let go of the control of my planning, thinking, doing and executing to conquer my way.

In addition to this being on my heart, I reached a section of my latest read about surrender. Nicole Unice worded is this way:

“When we surrender control, we are learning to swim in a whole new ocean. We exert out influence and share our lives with others, but we constantly make eye contact with our Father God, keeping in check with His positioning, knowing that we want to be within His easy reach.”

“As we put a surrendered life into practice, we will being to notice something. change in our character creates changes in our behavior. We become gentler with the unexpected and unwelcome intrusions into our life. Our hearts become softer and we make peace, even with pain. We respond to others with compassion and grace. The chains of fear and pride fall away, and we become childlike in our trust of God’s hand in our life.”

“The way we wrestle with control, the way we use our influence for God’s purposes, and the way God increases our influence in response to our surrender is a lifelong process.”

Let’s just say that there was a lot of highlighting in this chapter. A lot of journaling that went along with it (beyond her journaling questions at the end of each chapter).

It’s so hard at times to let things go that YOU want to resolve yourself. I’m grateful for a savior that wants to take these things from me and wants me to live in peace. But it’s been a struggle. It’s been hard.

I’m in a whole new place of removing myself from the equation and letting things go. A whole new place of learning surrender and going back to childlike faith and trust.

DEEP BREATH.