32 & Single

In 21 days I turn 32.

I’m still single.

In fact, it’s been 10 years since my last serious relationship.

At first, I chose not to date because I was starting a new career and a lot of change was taking place in my life. I didn’t want to add another human into it.

Then that career really took over my life.

And then, suddenly, I realized that I really need to pay more attention to myself! While I was consumed by my career and watching other people post engagement announcements, which then became wedding pictures (and lots of wedding invitations), and then baby announcements, it really hit me that I am living a life totally different from what I imagined. Comparison truly is the thief of joy and so often I had to fight really hard to not play the comparison game. Behind that Facebook profile and announcement photos was a human, like me, with emotions and problems and struggles.

By the time I was 29 I accepted the fact that I am still single and that I need to talk to God more about this.

I started to understand that there were some things that I needed to let go of. Things that were keeping me from fully being in a relationship. Things that were keeping myself from growing in certain areas. I needed to address some things about myself. And you know, that’s a scary and painful thing to do. Lots of tears.

Too often I used generic excuses when asked how a date went and if I’ll probably see him again. But in reality, he really might not have been interested in seeing me again. Despite whatever friends may have said when we talked about the date, I learned for myself that I may not have been good enough for him!

Since then I’ve had some seriousl conversations, prayer, and lots of tears. I made my desires known to God. I’ve had to understand that while I made my desires known, I need to work in His timing.

While I’ve gone through this, sometimes it’s painful when someone asks if I’m a single mom or however they imagine my life to be. I was slightly interviewed by a coworker that moved into the office next to me when she realized that it was after 6 and I was still furiously typing away emails.

“Don’t you have any to get home to?”

“Just my neighbors.”

“Is anyone going to wonder where you are?”

“Honestly, just my neighbors. We go for walks together and we’ll have dinner together. They’re part of my chosen family and they’re the only ones who would go looking for me.”

I’m content. I wouldn’t mind meeting someone, but I don’t want to write my own love story based on fleshly desires or superficial interests. I rather meet the man that has been set on this earth solely for me.

Dear Future Husband: I’m ready. I’ve been praying for you and I’m ready for our adventure.

 

Thanks for reading, friends.

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